Monday, March 24, 2008

Might as well face it ...

I stumbled across this survey the other morning while surfing for more blogs… I have absolutely zero time to do this, but such an insatiable appetite that I couldn’t help it! The survey is part of research being conducted by a mom completing her Ph. D, and specifically about moms of preschoolers (under 5) who blog.

Having been on the “student” end of things and knowing how difficult it can be to recruit participants, I didn’t hesitate to take the survey. I grabbed my coffee, sat down, and went to it. Actually completed it in record time and then thought nothing of it.

At least that was during the morning hours. Then as I was going about my busy day, niggling thoughts began swirling around in my head, thoughts prompted by some of the questions that had been posed in the survey.

Bubbles brain farts popped from deeply hidden brain cells …Did I really answer it as honestly as I could have? … Do I not really feel more overwhelmed on most days than I would like to admit? … Surely I spend more time blogging than I fessed up to … Aren’t I finding blogging more of a lifeline to a community than just a fun hobby?

I know first hand the complexities of creating a survey, and how it can seem almost impossible to compose a non-leading question. I’m not criticizing the design of the survey at all … I’m just having a harder look at how I answered it.

Later that evening while the kids were making pizza with their Dad, I was finalizing the last parts of my mammoth hair post (all that scanning and loading, Blogger not co-operating…). In between loading I was chopping up peppers and helping out with the toppings when I could, but honestly, my blog post was my priority. Ian then says to me “Stop blogging!” So I went to work on more peppers, but to my absolute dismay, tears began welling up and I think it was clear from my body language and my frenzied chopping, that I was not a happy camper. Ian came up behind me to ask me what was wrong, giving me a hug, which of course just let it all loose …

“This is all I have that is my VERY OWN!”

Which isn’t exactly true, but I can be a drama-mama like the best of them, a whoa-is-me chicka-dee when the timing’s right. Or more like PMS’ing in a major way.

This is what happens when I think myself into a frenzy. But somedays, it really does feel like it's my one place, the one stop in this crazy world that is just for me, myself and I.


After my momentary lapse of sanity, we had a lovely dinner. I then headed out to pick up some last minute things for the Easter weekend meals (I always forget that ONE IMPORTANT ingredient). At the supermarket, as I stood in line to pay, I watched as a father and his son unloaded their groceries onto the belt in front of me. I noticed this woman standing next to me rapidly flipping through one of the celebrity rags.

Just as it was my turn to load my groceries, the woman shrieked and ran hurriedly in front of me, furiously trying to reshelve the magazine she was reading, while pulling at another, featuring the most unbecoming photo of a pregnant Lisa Marie Presley feeding her face. Her husband looked up in alarm and asked her what the problem was. She shouted "Presley, ooh Lisa Marie, looks so BAD". Her husband looked at me very sheepishly , as I tried not too successfully to contain some giggles.

So I guess my life could be worse... I could be addicted to blogging AND deliriously hooked on celebrity trash.

Your lights are on, but you're not home
Your mind is not your own
Your heart sweats, your body shakes
Another post, is what it takes

You can't sleep, you can't eat
There's no doubt, you're in deep
Your throat is tight, you can't breathe
Another post is all you need

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh yeah
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough, you know you're
Gonna have to face it, you're addicted to ...

(thanks to Robert Palmer for inspiration)


Karen said...

You're right, blogging sometimes (often times!) seems like my own private time that I lack. thanks for that validation to go ahead and continue to blog.

Groovy Mom said...

I totally get this. Not only is it all mine, but I can control it, and I can know others and be known by them. And when it gets messy it's easy to clean up. :-)

Rima said...

I had to do a double-take when I read this, because I think I have spoken those exact words ("Blogging is the only thing that's MY OWN"!!) to the P-Dawg. And yeah, I've been known to get a little involved in finishing up a post to the detriment of my familial obligations. I blame it on Blogger's assinine photo formatting feature ;)

Kami said...

Yup, it could always be worse.... I do sometimes visit though... *looks around to see if anyone heard*

EEEK! I have a problem!

Ah well, still in the denial stage.

A blogging I will go:-)

THopgood said...

I hear ya sista!

gmcountrymama said...

I feel the same way. Some days, most days, when the kids are screaming at one another and hus is acting distant, blogging is all I have to help me feel somewhat sane and connected to other women. Hus doesn't always get that. I feel horribly guilty that while hus was ill, I resented that I didn't have time to blog.

Ed (zoesdad) said...

Cool perspective. You know, as parents we give up so much--especially if we're stay at home parents--that it really does seem we've got nothing left.

Hey, there are worse vices!

Family Adventure said...

Karen, I have to laugh at wrote a few days ago that you were taking a break from blogging because of the hubster (that line about gazing into the eyes of the computer rather than into his still resonates with me), and then I come back from holidays and you have written 6 POSTS while I've been away. 6 posts!!! No wonder my google reader is mad at me.

Anyway, this was a lovely, sweet post. I really got a sense of how important blogging is to you - and how much thought and energy you put into it. I also feel so, so much closer to you through reading this blog.

So even though finding a balance between the blog and your 'other life' (heh) is important, I know Ian understands that you being allowed to express your thoughts on paper (as it were) - and communicate with the community of awesome bloggers out there - is very important to you.

I am rambling. You know what I mean. HUGS!!!!!


Ginaagain said...

Karen, I absolutely love the way you tie lyrics into your posts. I know that it's hard to balance family and "me" time but I am glad that you make time to write this blog!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I feel the same way about blogging. Even though my husband reads everything I post (as does his whole family), it's the only thing that is mine all mine and I'm not sharing it with anybody!

C said...

:) Karen, you are adorable! You know, I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be visiting new blogs because I've got a zillion that I frequent daily as it is! I just can't help it though! Every day more and more amazing blogs pop up (either by visiting a blog buddy's comments box and me clicking on an interesting comment or someone surfing in via a post or comment I made).

You are soooo right! Blogging is ADDICTIVE! I started my blog almost two years ago because I was getting married and wanted to update friends, family, students on the wedding plans. Then I wanted ideas and also had questions to ask about wedding etiquette and all the other fun stuff that goes into planning a wedding.

Now I blog because I find it therapeutic, cathartic, and a great way to express myself. It's also fun to see how many wonderful people you can come across in the blogging community. Of course, I don't let blogging take away from the world outside of the blogosphere, but I certainly do feel withdrawal symptoms if I've been away from the blog for too long! LOL!

Heck. Who am I kidding? I blog because I love to. Plain and simple :)

Ms. Maxwell said...

Blogging is all new to me, but I can tell I'll be in a tough place soon enough. We're already competing for who gets the "good" computer (desk, comfy chair, good speakers, big monitor) instead of the laptop at the kitchen counter. Great post, heartfelt, and normalizing for all of us who balance blogging and family.

J at said...

I wish I had had blogging back when Maya was a toddler. I needed something of my own. Then again, at one point I took yoga for a couple of years, and that was my thing. So at least I had something. ;)

Melissa said...

I totally get it, too. I need this time or I'll go crazy! And it's a short trip, let me tell you...


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